Quiet Waters

In the past nine days, I have been lead to quiet waters like never before. I've expressed in previous blogs that being on the water is my peaceful place. I've had several opportunities to be on the shoreline of Lake Ontario this week on walks at Scarborough Bluffs and Guildwood Park. These times have been serene, but this is not quite what I mean.


The notion of quiet waters, as I know it, comes from the Twenty-Third Psalm, perhaps the most well-known Psalm of all. I've had these six verses memorized since I was very young. And I've even been lead there before, but never like this time.

I am grieving a loss. We've all been there. Devastation. Hopelessness. Broken dreams. Empty. Physically sick. Sleepless nights. Tears. Hard to breathe. Confusion. Feeling worthless. You know what I mean.

I've been feeling all of those things...but even more so I've been lead by my Shepherd and my Saviour to quiet waters. How has he done this for me? The Psalms.

I've read the Psalms before - all 150 of them. I've heard so many people speak of the Psalms tenderly, as words which truly resonate with their hearts and minds and souls. But I haven't quite had that experience until now.

At times when the silence is too much to bear - because my mind can quickly drag me down - I've been turning on my Bible app on my phone as a male voice reads any portion of the Bible you choose. I started at Psalm 1 and I've been listening to it when I get up in the morning, when I drive to work, when I go to bed at night...

I can't believe the effect these Psalms have had on me. Some of them I've listened to over and over again; others just once and move on to the next one. These poetic words of anguish, questioning, worship, pain, and awe express how I am feeling. 

There's so many sections that have put into words how I'm feeling. Here's a taste. Can you pick out some of the emotions I connect with right now? Do you feel this way too?

• "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death." (Psalm 13:2-3)
• "One thing I have asked of the Lord, that I will seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple." (Psalm 27:4)
• "For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does...But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you." (Psalm 33:4,18-22)
• "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." (Psalm 27:14)
• "Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Saviour, and my hope is in you all day long. Remember, O Lord, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old. Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you are good, O Lord." (Psalm 25:4-7)
• "I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me." (Psalm 3:5)
• "Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer...I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety." (Psalm 4:1,8)

How can just words do so much to help my spirit? It's not really logical, when your heart is broken, for mere words to give you some peace so you can fall asleep or face daylight the next day. I've come to the conclusion that it's because these are Living Words. Jesus is the Word (John 1:1,14). I find comfort in Jesus, and so I am finding comfort in the Bible. These are ancient words, and yet they reflect my heart's cry in 2012. It must be because they are Living and True. 

As I've been listening to and reading the Psalms, I've been surprised at how many of these verses I already know. One, because I memorized a lot of verses as a child, both at home and in Sunday School. Mom had verses written out on little index cards and arranged on a little hunter green flip-style stand on a little table in our dining room or in the kitchen. I can still picture it. In her perfect printing and often with a sticker on the index card. I especially remember one with a lamb sticker on it. We memorized verses to a beat oftentimes, and I still remember the rhythm today. 

A lot of these verses and passages are also familiar because they are the content of songs we sing today - hymns of old, choruses, modern worship songs, children's Sunday School ballads. It's wonderful to know so much Truth, and for it to be at the forefront of my mind thanks to music. I've been singing these songs to myself constantly - in the car, in the shower, and especially on walks outside. Lots of verses I've memorized have been coming to my mind as well, so I've been quoting them out loud to myself. This is a great source of comfort.


One of my professors in seminary said that while most of the Bible is God's words coming down to us humans, the Psalms are human expressions going up to God. I can relate to the Psalms because they reflect the human condition - things that we all struggle with like pain, stress, justice, joy, despair, hope.


Don't get me wrong, the hurt is still there. My questions are pressing. Particular hopes and dreams have been snatched away. I'm still counting on my dear and faithful family and friends for encouragement, comfort, and advice. But the greatest source of comfort and hope has been coming from the Psalms. It's been my "peace that passes all understanding," the inexplicable peace I've only received a couple times in life when I don't have the stamina to continue on my own.


These words show me that it's okay to have these intense feelings and to express them to my Heavenly Father. He knows pain too. I can tell him my fears, ask him why this has happened, express my disappointment and frustration, praise him for his faithfulness, enjoy his creation. In all of this, I am still directing these thoughts toward Him, because I know he cares for me. 


Is that my crutch? Well consider this: would you rather be dealing with all this on your own with no higher being to present your questions and emotions to, or know someone's listening? What if you were all there was? I can't imagine having to find the hope and strength required to live out my life inside of myself, when I am a broken person. It has to come from Someone bigger and better than me. Only he  can lead me beside quiet waters and restore my soul.